Most individuals admire those who live privileged lives and some even secretly wish they lead such lives. I was one of those… until I met Amy Chan.
The Encounter
I met Amy while I was conducting training in one of my previous jobs. Although she had an ordinary name, Amy was no ordinary human being, well at least from my point of view. Born into a family of old money, she was blessed with beauty, brains and breeding. Her polite and warm personality made her popular and won her many friends. Having just completed her Actuarial Science degree at age 23, she was quick to secure her first job and was on her way to a promising career. The world was her oyster.
I can still remember the day that I met Amy. As she walked into the room, many heads turned to admire her beautiful face, slim figure and poised presence. Like everyone else, I found myself gravitating towards her. My chance to get to know her came during lunch break when I engaged her in conversation and soon after, we became friends.
Up Close and Personal
When I first met Amy, I saw her as the embodiment of everything a human being could possibly want: wealth, beauty, brains, breeding, popularity and a privileged life. She oozed abundance in every aspect of life. In my mind, her life was perfect in every possible way.
The following months saw us meeting over dinners. Being unexposed, I listened to her life’s adventures in awe. Her stories of the people she met and the places she visited evoked silent emotions of envy and jealousy. Thoughts of what a wonderful life she must have led crept into my mind.
As we became closer, Amy allowed me into her inner world. I discovered then that her breeding and poise came from spending years in a prestigious boarding school. While she had the best education money could buy, she was estranged from her father, a traditionalist who had high expectations of his children. Absence of acceptance and validation during her formative years had left her scarred. Excelling in school had not given her the comfort that she was good enough and she felt deep disappointment with herself for not being able to live up to her brothers’ successes. She made it her life’s mission to win her father’s acceptance and approval.
Never Judge the Book by Its Cover
My initial impression of Amy was a worldly and privileged young woman contented with the hand that life had dealt. As time passed, I saw a different reality; a suffering young soul trapped in a life of luxury. Reality and first impression were worlds apart and I was startled at how different the truth was. How could a beautiful woman with means live such a reality? Who would have thought that beneath her worldly and confident appearance was a tormented soul plagued with self-doubt and self-rejection?
I reflected on this paragraph in our CLT learning manual that described my predicament.
“When we go about life carrying a field of anxiety, worries, judgment, preconceived notion, intellect, anger, resentment, expectation, pride, frustration etc. we won't be able to connect to anyone or anything let alone the Source. If you think you can, you are just kidding yourself. This is the reason why Mankind is separated from each other. These are barriers we have built around ourselves unknowingly.”
I realized my preconceived notion of Amy based on her jet setting life, luxurious vacations, fancy sports car and designer clothes had kept me from truly connecting with her. When I decided to not judge the book by its cover, I became more aware of the hidden self that lay beneath her formidable disguise. The vulnerable self who struggled to conquer her inner demons became the person whom I could relate with. Discovering Amy’s inner world dissolved my misplaced envy and jealousy as empathy surfaced. The invisible barrier that divided us broke down; I saw the real Amy and could connect with her as an equal.
We lost touch when Amy went away to pursue her Masters’ degree but I think fondly of the time when our lives’ paths converged. I asked myself what would have happened if I had not learnt CLT and continued to judge Amy and others after her by what I could only see on the surface. My relationships would have been colored by artificial separation such as ethnicity, race, religion and socioeconomic status. I would have remained disconnected with others and more importantly, myself. Life would have been deadly dull having missed out on the pleasures of meaningful connections.
I am glad that Amy had walked into my life. My time with her had helped me learn the valuable lesson of not judging to be able to connect and it has enriched my life. I truly believe that by taking this small step of suspending our judgement of each another, we will reconnect with one another and together, we can create the warm, loving and compassionate world that we aspire to live in.
Most individuals admire those who live privileged lives and some even secretly wish they lead such lives. I was one of those… until I met Amy Chan.
The Encounter
I met Amy while I was conducting training in one of my previous jobs. Although she had an ordinary name, Amy was no ordinary human being, well at least from my point of view. Born into a family of old money, she was blessed with beauty, brains and breeding. Her polite and warm personality made her popular and won her many friends. Having just completed her Actuarial Science degree at age 23, she was quick to secure her first job and was on her way to a promising career. The world was her oyster.
I can still remember the day that I met Amy. As she walked into the room, many heads turned to admire her beautiful face, slim figure and poised presence. Like everyone else, I found myself gravitating towards her. My chance to get to know her came during lunch break when I engaged her in conversation and soon after, we became friends.
Up Close and Personal
When I first met Amy, I saw her as the embodiment of everything a human being could possibly want: wealth, beauty, brains, breeding, popularity and a privileged life. She oozed abundance in every aspect of life. In my mind, her life was perfect in every possible way.
The following months saw us meeting over dinners. Being unexposed, I listened to her life’s adventures in awe. Her stories of the people she met and the places she visited evoked silent emotions of envy and jealousy. Thoughts of what a wonderful life she must have led crept into my mind.
As we became closer, Amy allowed me into her inner world. I discovered then that her breeding and poise came from spending years in a prestigious boarding school. While she had the best education money could buy, she was estranged from her father, a traditionalist who had high expectations of his children. Absence of acceptance and validation during her formative years had left her scarred. Excelling in school had not given her the comfort that she was good enough and she felt deep disappointment with herself for not being able to live up to her brothers’ successes. She made it her life’s mission to win her father’s acceptance and approval.
Never Judge the Book by Its Cover
My initial impression of Amy was a worldly and privileged young woman contented with the hand that life had dealt. As time passed, I saw a different reality; a suffering young soul trapped in a life of luxury. Reality and first impression were worlds apart and I was startled at how different the truth was. How could a beautiful woman with means live such a reality? Who would have thought that beneath her worldly and confident appearance was a tormented soul plagued with self-doubt and self-rejection?
I reflected on this paragraph in our CLT learning manual that described my predicament.
“When we go about life carrying a field of anxiety, worries, judgment, preconceived notion, intellect, anger, resentment, expectation, pride, frustration etc. we won't be able to connect to anyone or anything let alone the Source. If you think you can, you are just kidding yourself. This is the reason why Mankind is separated from each other. These are barriers we have built around ourselves unknowingly.”
I realized my preconceived notion of Amy based on her jet setting life, luxurious vacations, fancy sports car and designer clothes had kept me from truly connecting with her. When I decided to not judge the book by its cover, I became more aware of the hidden self that lay beneath her formidable disguise. The vulnerable self who struggled to conquer her inner demons became the person whom I could relate with. Discovering Amy’s inner world dissolved my misplaced envy and jealousy as empathy surfaced. The invisible barrier that divided us broke down; I saw the real Amy and could connect with her as an equal.
We lost touch when Amy went away to pursue her Masters’ degree but I think fondly of the time when our lives’ paths converged. I asked myself what would have happened if I had not learnt CLT and continued to judge Amy and others after her by what I could only see on the surface. My relationships would have been colored by artificial separation such as ethnicity, race, religion and socioeconomic status. I would have remained disconnected with others and more importantly, myself. Life would have been deadly dull having missed out on the pleasures of meaningful connections.
I am glad that Amy had walked into my life. My time with her had helped me learn the valuable lesson of not judging to be able to connect and it has enriched my life. I truly believe that by taking this small step of suspending our judgement of each another, we will reconnect with one another and together, we can create the warm, loving and compassionate world that we aspire to live in.