I have always suffered from dizzy spells and the occasional vertigo ever since I was little. I am now 21 years old. No amount of medication (western and traditional) could really solve the problem, at best it only managed to relieve the symptoms temporarily so that I could continue to function and carry out my daily activities.
I have recently noticed that the vertigo would hit me badly especially after my relatives have visited my family. Just like all other families with all its hidden skeletons and drama involving extended families, my family is no different. Every time my relatives visited my home, their combative, fault-finding and argumentative nature never failed to stress my family incessantly, especially my parents. My mother told me recently that when I was very young, I would go to my room whenever my relatives visited and would lock myself in there, refusing to talk to them until they leave. I have no recollection of myself doing that at all. I supposed since they made me feel so uncomfortable by not expressing love and harmony towards anyone around them, I must have felt that it was better for me to not have anything to do with them.
To be honest, I never really saw anything wrong with such a stand until I started practising the CLT system two years ago. On top of that, my journey with the School has not been entirely smooth over the years. Although the School consists of a small group of practitioners, they are all in fact very different as they come from various backgrounds which involve different kinds of upbringing and life experiences. Because they have very little in common, occasionally there were clashes, misunderstandings and communication breakdown among some of them. As I witnessed some of these episodes happening before my eyes, I could not help but felt extremely uneasy which eventually made me drift farther away from the School and in the end I stayed away.
It was only a few weeks ago that for the first time in my life, my vertigo hit me so badly that I actually fainted in the kitchen at home. Later when I seeked help from the Academy, I found out that my spiritual body was badly affected rather than my emotional body. I was informed that I had inadvertently cut off the energy supply to my spiritual body through my own unconscious action of cutting off connection from the School and fellow practitioners. I was weakening day by day without realizing it. With the help from a few practitioners and my family, I realized that the reason I stayed away from the School is the same reason why I have been resentful towards my difficult relatives. However, the implication of judging other fellow cultivators in the same School is a more serious matter because as cultivators, there is a higher standard of adherence to the fundamental laws and any violations would bring about more severe repercussion.
I expected all CLT practitioners to express love at all times just like what the Teachings have stated; and likewise I expected my relatives to express love to my family because we are all related. However I failed to realize that the practitioners are also just like me, who are also on a cultivation journey of refining their mind and character but worse is that when I decided to cultivate with the other fellow cultivators, I did not realise that a higher standard of adherence to the Universal Law of Love applies to cultivators. Despite trying to be a cultivator, I acted like a non-cultivator. That is why my condition of vertigo and energy loss was so severe. I could not conserve my energy as I used my human standards of application at the cultivator level. So I made changes to myself. Instead of separating myself from both the CLT cultivators and relatives because of lack of love on their part, I realized that I should learn to find a way to express love correctly with the School’s teachings as a citizen of Earth.
Firstly, my attitude towards all lifeforms should change from being judgmental to being inclusive and forgiving. When I judge anyone for not having love, this in turn will affect them adversely and cause them to behave more negatively. People always respond positively to a loving expression. As such, where there is unconditional love, it always brings out the best in people.
Secondly, as I understand more and more of the principles of love, truth and selflessness, I realized that the expression of these principles involves the respect for everyone’s freewill in making their own life choices. So whatever choices my relatives or anyone else make in how they want to live their lives either with or without pure love, is entirely their freewill to choose. As such I would need to respect their choices without any expectation and the need to control the outcome from my part. This is the best form of unconditional love that I can express to them and all.
However, I know that as a cultivator I have to embrace the teachings and adhere to the standards of a cultivator. I have recently started to integrate myself again with the School’s activities and to be part of the solution to germinate love rather than shy away from the problem. This was actually my earlier desire a few years ago. I am so grateful for this lesson that I have learned. It has helped me to understand better the Source teachings of love, truth and selflessness.
So now, I know why the others could not solve their vertigo and fatigue problems despite getting enough rest. They probably did not know about the laws, how they would have violated them and not having a system like CLT to guide them towards rectifying the violations.